Where is the hickey?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize