We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
