I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
