i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
