the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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