If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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