We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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