I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
