why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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