It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
