im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
