I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
