awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
