I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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