we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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