glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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