I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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