You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have aggressive nipples.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
