pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
