life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
