alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
