Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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