Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
