when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He felt like a one man threesome
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
