hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize