you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
