If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
do herpes really smell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
