she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
