we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
