Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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