So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
