Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
