I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
