so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
