i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize