u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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