we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
