I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
