U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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