I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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