That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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