She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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