Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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