Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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