The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize