how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
