you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
