You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
