Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
