theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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