I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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