The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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