I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
