At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
