I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
