the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
