I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize