I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
