It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
