We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
