I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
