the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
