he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
