My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I skipped work to stalk him.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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