She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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