I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
