ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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