I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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