Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
