Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
