I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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