first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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