Don't you send me to vm
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
