Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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