I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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