she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
