based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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