I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
