You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
