She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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