Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
