Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm too high and old for this...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
