Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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