Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize