hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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