so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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