Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
