i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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