Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
