plz talk dirty to me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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