haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
