If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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