dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't deserve a penis
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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