After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
