So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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