her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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