So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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