but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
