I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
