Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
