Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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